Dr. Charles Stanley was Mom's favorite TV preacher, and I like him too. He's the real deal.
He said when he first started his ministry, he noticed how many of his counseling sessions uncovered underlying truths, especially with those who had an inability to forgive someone.
After many years he now says over 90% of all the problems he sees are due to someone not being able to forgive. Sometimes the offending person doesn't even know they hurt you. Sometimes the hurt happened years and years ago, without ever being mentioned.
It took twice as long for me to forgive my ex-husband as the length of our actual marriage. Think about it! It took me 12 years to forgive someone who was only with me for 6 years! Incredible.
That doesn't mean I never tried. It means the hurt was so deep it had to be peeled away like an onion. I would think I had forgiven, only for something to resurface and cause pain, and I'd have to forgive all over again.
The point is, lack of forgiveness hurts you more than it hurts anyone else.
Letting go doesn't mean everything will be the way it was before the hurt took place, or even being around the person if that's not appropriate. Letting go just means allowing a sore to scab over and heal rather than picking at it every day. Letting go means allowing God to take over in your life and that person's life to the point where you don't have to carry the burden of it anymore.
Forgiveness is not dependent upon the other person repenting or even asking forgiveness.
Forgiveness is a personal decision to let go of a hurt once and for all, let God deal with it, and move on.
Forgiving doesn't mean you have to see the person again, let alone stay in a relationship with them. As a matter of fact, if a relationship is toxic because someone keeps hurting you, it's your responsibility to cut them loose to prevent the dynamic from ruining your life in a perpetual cycle of being hurt and having to forgive.
We all know from experience, it takes a lot more energy to be angry, hurt or sad, than it does to let go and forgive an offense, and move on.
It's a new day. Rejoice in that, and make happiness happen. And I am saying that to myself and anyone who may ever read this. Life is short, and too precious to waste on anger.
