My d/h and I stood up in front of God and Co. and successfully completed our Membership Transfer 5-question Lightning Round at Fellowship Presby for the new year:
1. Do you acknowledge yourself to be sinners in the sight of God, just deserving
His displeasure, and without hope save in His sovereign mercy?
2. Do you believe in the Lord Jesus Christ as the Son of God, and Savior of
sinners, and do you receive and rest upon Him alone for salvation as He is
offered in the Gospel?
3. Do you now resolve and promise, in humble reliance upon the grace of the
Holy Spirit, that you will endeavor to live as becomes the followers of Christ?
4. Do you promise to support the church in its worship and work to the best of
your ability?
5. Do you submit yourself to the government and discipline of the church, and
promise to study its purity and peace?
We are happy to be the newest old ppl there. I have to congratulate Pastor Jim for his having deftly handled in advance the imtheonlycathy Trick Question #4.
The previous week we had him over to the house (actually he was our very first non-family visitor) for my hottest chili ever which he devoured along with fresh tortillas and handfuls of shredded cheddar.
I was pretty much brutally honest with him and told him I regretted that I would be unable to join the church with d/h, because of my reprobate ways and slothful attendance habits. He expressed great interest in my views on brick and mortar church, but I told him it would be best not to go there because I couldn't bring myself to lie to a pastor.
At that point I just told him frankly I had nothing to bring to the table, that I couldn't and wouldn't promise to ever attend worship services let alone join Bible Study or other groups, let alone arrange flowers on the altar or bring a dish to the fellowship hall on fifth Sunday for dinner. It's just not gonna happen, and I'm beyond pretending that it could or might. I offer nothing but abject disappointment to any pastor in this regard, and wasn't about to paint a sunny picture of changed habits and new resolve etc.
When he started to press the thing about how I might think the church has failed, I just sighed and said I think there is a great disconnect there, that I think people may be looking for something different, that our culture is in desperate need of a reality check, or some such thing. Then I stopped and said:
"You know what. Either the Lord is sovereign, or he isn't. If he wants things changed in his body of believers whether it's organized religion in America or whatever, He'll see that it's done. We don't have all that much control over that, and if it takes some cataclysmic event or some kind of revival, so be it. I can't offer you anything other than my own personal experience, and to be quite frank it's nobody's fault but my own. So if you can take me where I'm at, I'll join the church and do the best I can. If God has some use for me there, I'm willing to try."
I think he seemed pretty happy, and that's when he pulled out his five questions and we started to go over #4. His eyes bore into mine at that question, and I knew what he meant. It is the question I ask myself all the time. What exactly IS the best of my ability?
Here is where we agreed to leave it: there are, sadly, many times when I can't go. I just don't want to go into whys (with you or with him). But there it is. I just can't, and if I do, I end up getting halfway there and going home. Now, that's just worship services.
When it comes to making commitments for service, it's even worse. I can't. I can't disappoint anyone again, ever. I won't make promises to anyone, ever, for any reason. I can't do it. If the only thing I can accomplish in the remnants of my sorry life is to never tell a lie again, or never make a promise I can't keep again, I will have at least stepped forward on the right path a few steps. No one knows what this means to me. No one knows the depths of my regrets and the pain around this issue for me but God himself, and we are working on it. The first step for me, I was told by Himself, is to just say No. No more vows, or oaths, or promises, or even hopefully venturing into any kind of commitment. I can't even say that will or won't change (because I have no idea). I can only tell the truth.
So I have to tell you, I was nervous about going on Sunday. I had promised to be there. It set my teeth on edge, but we made it.
Something strange happened, by the way. When we were facing the congregation answering those questions, I couldn't stop smiling and looking at all the faces out there. There was something humble and beautiful and lovely about each one. I realized a little late I was making people uncomfortable. But afterwards this feeling of love wouldn't leave me. Even now, I can picture them. It was Jesus letting me peek at his children through his eyes for a while, I think.
I wish I could live that way forever. I think some of the saints did, and do. After all, isn't that what he wants from us - to love each other the way he loves us?
He asked me to tell you.
2 comments:
Dear imtheonlycathy (may I call you Imthe?),
Presbyterian, eh? Well, at least they didn’t ask you, as some Lutherans, to vow upon your life that you would not fall away from the Church (A Mighty Fortress, vs 4). Many time I have asked that question to young confirmands, “Do you swear to hold fast to the Christian Faith and the teachings of the Church and suffer all, even death…etc.” I actually said “etcetera,” leaving it up to their flowering imaginations what ghastly occasion worse than death they might have to endure in remaining true…. Invariably, the little 8th and 9th graders would sheepishly look up and answer, “Uh huh.” And I would mutter under my breath, “Right, as if that’s gonna happen.”
Dear Lord, who knows what trials and tests may come, or just what we will be empowered by God to sustain…accomplish when it all goes south? You are correct dear Imthe, to question those vows so carefully. However, IMHO the bit about “to the best of my ability” ought to thought of “as God doth enable me.” That’s not setting God up to blame for our slothful or negligent ways, as some might see it, but rather just a statement of faith. Jesus said, “With Me all things are possible (likely?).” The best of my ability has to kind of include Jesus in there someplace. If we manage any “good” at all, certainly He gets all the credit. What if you happen to make it to church three times in a row, or actually make a tater-tot casserole for potluck? Who is going to take credit? Did this happen by the best of YOUR ability? We know better than that. Opps, did you not go to church since last Easter? Who is to blame?
Anyway, I love your perspective on the faces! I think Jesus was there fer sure.
dearbob:
of course you are right, and that is where we left our agreement and understanding of #4, at Jesus' feet. I can only testify that every time I have successfully made it to worship services, or helped a little old lady cross the street, or jammed on the brakes instead of plowing into the side of a semi, has been by the power and grace of God. Is there a power struggle within each of us? Yeah. And I do not hold myself up as an example of a model follower of Christ, but as an example of how an ex Libertine hedonist, borderline suicidal sociopath can be pursued and caught by the Hound of Heaven, and made into a new creature. An example of how a modern day heathen can be brought to repentance and faith in the one who saved her in every possible way, and live to tell about it. The least of all the saints, but a saint nevertheless.
I suspect there are many out there like me for whom just going a whole day without doing any significant damage is a miracle and testament to God's grace. But how to convey this effectively is a little beyond me right now, I'm afraid do i'll stop talking about it.
God is good. And I can't help giggling at the picture of 8th graders swearing to hold fast to the Christian faith and suffer all, even death with the response: "uh huh".
Before we walked up front on Sunday, I said "let's surprise him and say "I do" instead of "yes".
but what if we had mumbled "uh huh"...
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